How Mama got her Glow Back; Finding Beauty in your Body After Baby.
Mamas! Spring is in full swing. While exciting and exuberant, let’s be honest, many of us are starting to get antsy about bikini season being right around the corner.
Like many women—most… —even all?? I had trouble accepting my body when I was an adolescent and young adult. Growing up, I was a little rounder than the socially acceptable body type where I went to junior high, where I was also a new kid at the school. (Double whammy!) I felt embarrassed by all the unwelcome comments made by the other kids. I became ashamed about my body; I tried to hide my body by curling in on myself. As an adult, I now know in reality I was just developing my womanly curves and attributes a little ahead of some of my classmates. I was always a little on the softer side, but never obese. But it was almost like the more I rejected my body, the worse it got. The more I internalized other peoples’ comments and shamed my own body, the fatter I became.
When I started doing sports in school, I became more fit, never skinny by any means—that’s never been my body type. Throughout life, I continued like that: sometimes more active and fit, sometimes slipping with diet and movement routine when things got stressful or overwhelming and putting on some weight (or at least getting softer), then bouncing back into a healthy routine. I struggled a little with my weight at times. Can anyone else relate?
I moved away from home, and eventually to New York City in my early 20’s. I began to find myself more attractive, whether I had put on a little weight or not. New York is more diverse than where I grew up, and there are more diverse concepts of beauty and, I found, a greater of acceptance of many types of women’s bodies. I still had areas I was always critical of, but throughout my 20’s and 30’s I grew to appreciate my ass and other parts I had rejected all those years. Then I became more fit and attractive. Years later I attended Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program where I was taught many techniques for ridding oneself of body shame, cultivating body acceptance and self love. I learned to fully accept and embrace this curvaceous fertility goddess shape I was blessed with. The more I engaged in practices to cultivate self love, and began to feel a genuine love for all of myself and all of my parts, the more beautiful I became. A true external expression of internal beauty. That beauty began to shine so brightly through me, on one day towards the end of the program—in one afternoon— 3 different men stopped me on the street and told me I was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen. That had never happened to me before! And I was so comfortable with myself and my beauty that I graciously accepted the complements with out feeling embarrassed or violated (as I previously would have felt if approached like that), nor indebted or obligated to return a complement or accept an offer for dinner. I could just receive it.
Well… during that phase of previously unparalleled beauty in my life, I attracted a mate, had a baby, got married, had another baby. Now I am 43, with a 3 year-old and soon-to-be 6 year-old. These past 3 years have been characterized by constant stress and overwhelm: starting out my second postpartum period already stressed by a big move, an extremely demanding newborn and clingy toddler while completely alone for stretches of days on end, the dynamic that came along with it coupled with moving over seas and back—and back again— and never feeling rooted following a totally unsatisfying nesting period. It’s been a difficult journey for me. Mostly because I have neglected my body. I haven’t been showing myself love for my body and all her parts. The more consumed I was with the demands in front of me, the less I prioritized myself. And the more my body cried out for attention, the more I shamed her; berated her for letting me down, resentful for all the physical pain due to improper healing during my immediate postpartum period and inadequate rest from tending to the needs of a newborn and 2.5 year old day and night by myself. As they used to say about a woman who lost her youthful glow after receiving the blessing of children, I’d let myself go. At times I was unable to even recognize myself, feeling estranged from the person I see both on the outside and the inside. All of my clothes either totally ill-fitting, or completely unflattering. Since I’ve been staying at home with babies, I live in my comfy frumpy clothes almost all of the time, and if I have to go out, as soon as I get home I get right back into my PJs. I try to make sure my hair looks somewhat combed and washed, but I never spend more than a minute on my hair, and make-up? are you kidding? I can hardly bare to look at myself!
We were speaking about springtime and bikinis season being just around the corner. As we crawl out of hibernation and lay eyes on our naked bodies in the mirror as if for the first time since September—when we see ourselves are we going to give our glorious bodies the love and appreciation they deserve? Or do we tell them how ugly and terribly disgusting they are, or make jokes about them, scrutinizing them for flaws?
Our bodies can hear us. When we tell them negative things, they retreat from us even more. They would come out and shine if we let them know its ok, and that they are beautiful with all of their flaws. Thank them for all the hard work and the trials they’ve been through: creating humans, feeding humans, holding and carrying humans, being beds for little humans and staying with them past the exhaustion to the point of tiredness beyond what you thought was possible. All the SACRIFICE, they have given for the sake of these young humans, selflessly giving them life, and life force sourced from within.
Let’s stop to appreciate them for what they are, how hard they have worked for us and what they have given, not only us, but the world. Our bodies bring forth the future generation, fostering new members of society.
Bellies may have expanded and become slack, hips may have widened or become flaccid, breasts may have become bigger, or smaller, or saggier. Maybe our posture is a bit hunch-y from carrying a baby all day with a weaker core or our shoulders and necks have become rounded from breastfeeding continuously. Maybe we have bags and dark circles under our eyes from never knowing a full night’s sleep anymore. Our skin and hair has lost it’s luster as all of our body’s resources have gone into creating and sustaining the life of another.
Whatever it is.
What is that one part of yourself that you scrutinize all the time? Cringe to look at? Cover up when it has the chance of being seen? Can you find even a moment to look at that part, gaze upon it with loving eyes as if it were the face of your newborn? Send loving and approving thoughts, and maybe even words to your self. To that part of yourself that you’ve managed to find wrong. Take time to appreciate all of those ignored, neglected or rejected parts of yourself. When you apply lotion in the morning, slow down to appreciate every blessed inch of yourself. Actually see, feel, and take in your self. See how your body can transform over time, or maybe even immediately, when you spend time loving and appreciating yourself like this.
These are just some of the techniques of cultivating self love I’ve learned from Mama Gena.
This past month, as I tear myself out of my frumpies I’ve been living in for these past several years and eagarly bring myself to the gym, I see beautiful me re-emerge. But only AFTER I made the decision to find myself beautiful again; to choose to see the me that’s truly there, and always, regardless of what’s happening on the outside of my body or out in my world. I then become worth taking care of. When you find yourself beautiful to begin with, the more you fall in love with yourself, you BECOME more and more beautiful—not the other way.
Depriving and chastising yourself leads to further depreciation of yourself, and the struggle is always there. You will never be fit enough, beautiful enough, perfect enough.
What if we just decided we were enough right now, loving your beautiful mama body EXACTLY where she is RIGHT NOW. Help her go out into the sunshine and feel and become radiant. You won’t ever feel like anyone else cares—because they don’t— and if they do, they are struggling with their own sense of self: self judgement, rather than self love. Loving your self— your body— will be an act of self care because when you are and feel loved, you will take care of yourself and when you take care of yourself, you project a sense of self worth. Others will feel that and then what anyone else thinks will become irrelevant, or at least not so important because the only person you’ll seek approval from will be you. You do what you do to please you.
So be kind, and gentle to your new mama body, if it is new—as in recently given birth— and if it’s not so new, still be kind if you are trying to get ready for swim suit season (and, of course, always). If you’re newly postpartum, you won’t want to hit the gym until you’re at least 12 weeks (I would actually recommend waiting longer), just stick to basic and gentle postpartum restoration exercises— anything that can be done from your bed for the first 4 weeks, such as the exercises in this short video from my New Mom’s 21 Days to Radiance program. Take it slow. As a practitioner of acupuncture and Chinese medicine, I can tell you injuries are very common this time of year in general as people jump back into being active too quickly after being sedentary for several months. The spring season relates to the element of wood, which is the element that governs the tendons and sinews. They need to be properly primed and nourished, like fresh new growth of a tree that can bend in the wind and snap back up to being straight. For the general population they are typically a little stiff from the coldness of winter and lack of movement, but for women who have recently given birth and are still breastfeeding, so much of those nourishing resources for the body have been redirected to— you guessed it— you’re little one.
Wherever you’re at, first, can you choose to see yourself through loving and adoring eyes every morning when you wake up? Take in every divine flaw that is uniquely yours; appreciate the story that they tell of your life— your journey. And when you are eating, or deciding what to eat or how to exercise, LISTEN to your body’s wisdom. Overriding her subtle cues may result in injuries or further setbacks in your healing (as I said, this is true for everyone coming out of winter and diving into an exercise routine in the spring, but mamas especially), and you might even miss messages from your body that if followed, could lead to an even more profound result. Better yet, just flaunt your mama body. Let the world know that all women’s bodies are beautiful, and you are proudly wearing the shape of a genius human creatrix’s body—one who can make a HUMAN inside of her from almost nothing, birth it and continue to nurture it. We are our worst critics. My husband is constantly going into raptures about how sexy and gorgeous I am, and how much more attractive he finds me now after 2 kids. Of course I balk at the possibility, and I constantly lament my old self and pre-baby shape (and all my favorite clothes that no longer fit!). We need to continue to be reminded of the gift that we are…So I try to be in touch with my sensuality and embrace my body where she is, even see what he sees when I think it’s not fitting into my idea of what other people think I should look like—or popularly accepted ideas of feminine beauty, which (thank Goddess) are constantly shifting and evolving for the better.
Leave a comment below or respond to this email and tell me about your favorite part of your body, and then your least favorite part. Now give that part a genuine and positive complement, however big or small, and share how it felt. When we shift to positive thinking and speaking, we rewire our brains to see and create different and better circumstances and realities in our lives. If you are more than 6 months postpartum and curious about getting support in finding your way back to your body and your relationship with her, and perhaps losing some baby weight and creating an ideal meal plan for mama, schedule a free Radiant Mama’s Self-care Strategy Session. If you are newly postpartum, congratulations! If you wish to join a support group and meet other like-minded new moms, request to join my private Facebook group, or if you have questions about postpartum recovery, contact me. Be sure to follow me on Facebook and Instagram for self-care tips for new moms and to stay in touch, sign up for my newsletter.
May you feel loved and nurtured from within,
Karen